• To be told that my mother and father still love me and will never divorce me.
• To be told that the divorce is not my fault and not to be told about the adult problems that caused it.
• To be treated as a human being---not as another piece of property to be fought over, bargained over or threatened with.
• To have decisions about me based on my best interest, rather than past wrongs, hurt feelings, or my parent's needs.
• To love both my parents without being forced to choose or feel guilty.
• To know both my parents through regular, frequent involvement in my life.
• To have the financial support of both my father and mother.
• To be spared hearing bad hurtful comments about either of my parents which have no useful purpose.
• Not to be asked to tell a lie or act as a spy or messenger.
• To be allowed to care about others without having to choose or feel guilty.
Helpful Resources for Parents
One of the best books on getting along with your ex spouse is Mom's House, Dad's House: A Complete Guide For Parents Who Are Separated, Divorced Or Remarried by Isolina Ricci.
Do a reality check on yourself and your anger by reading The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans.
Check out these web pages regarding the effects of divorce on children. Also do a web search on "divorce" to find other helpful pages.
See our own award-winning web pages on anger management at http://members.aol.com/AngriesOut
MEDSCAPE - PEDIATRIC NEWS: Avoiding Post-divorce Pitfalls That Damage Childrenhttp://news.medscape.com/IMNG/PediatricNews/1999/v33.n07/ped3307.28.01.html Predictors of successful adolescent development after divorce include repartnering of the custodial parent and time with the noncustodial parent. (To access the article you will have to register with Medscape. Registration is free.)
AMERICAN COUNSELING ASSOCIATION: Frequently Asked Questions in Marriage and Family Counselinghttp://www.counseling.org/enews/volume_1/0107a.htm Legal and ethical questions are given in counseling clients involved in divorce or custody proceedings.
JOURNAL OF FAMILY PSYCHOLOGY: Delinquent Behavior, Future Divorce or Nonmarital Childbearing, and Externalizing Behavior Among Offspring: This 14 year study concludes that parents' personal behavior and personality have a greater impact on their children's behavior than the parents' marital status! http://www.apa.org/journals/fam/fam134568.html
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION OF MARRIAGE AND FAMILY THERAPY: Making Custody Agreements Work.http://www.aamft.org/families/Making%20Custody.htm Ideas to help families structure custody agreements that will encourage connections to the absent parent.
IOWA STATE UNIVERSITY: Divorce Matters: Talking With Your Child's Other Parent . A good handout for divorcing parents. http://www.exnet.iastate.edu/Publications/PM1640.pdf
If only my OWN mother would have read and followed this advice maybe my life would have turned out better, I've lost all contact with my dad and everyone on his side of the family, so in essence 1/2 of my entire family has been taken away from me by my mom. It sucks now that I'm grown and understand what she did to my life.
ReplyDelete